Archive for the ‘Police’ Category

Some Mid-Week Humor!

January 25, 2017

Happy Wednesday! Now that we’ve reached the mid-point of the week, how about a bit of levity to get us through the rest of the week and into the weekend?

An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man noticed that the lights were on in the greenhouse in the back yard.  He hadn’t remembered turning the lights on and went to investigate.

As he approached the greenhouse, the old man heard voices and discovered that someone had broken into the greenhouse.  Scared, he returned to the house and called the police.

The dispatcher replied, that no officers were currently available, but that an officer would be sent as soon as one became available.

The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, “Don’t worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!”

In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed!

One of the cops asked the old man, “I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them.”

The old man replied, “I thought you said, there weren’t any officers available.”

It’s Not Always What You Think!

December 24, 2016

Sometimes you just never see the punchline coming . . .

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera when off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly.  Another flash.  He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed.  Same result.

“This guy must have screwed up the settings,” the off-duty officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

Source: http://www.yuksrus.com/police.html

Slow Down, or Stop?!

November 26, 2016

Happy Saturday.  This is what I’d call a “teachable moment.”  This joke has been around for a while, but it is a classic.  So for those of you who have never heard this one, enjoy; and for those of you who have, enjoy again!

A police officer pulled over a guy driving a red Corvette after it had run a stop sign.
Police Officer: “May I see your driver’s license and registration please?” asked the cop.
Driver: “What’s the problem, officer?”
Police Officer: “You just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection.”
Driver: “Oh, come on pal, there wasn’t a car within miles of me.”
Police Officer: “Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution.”
Driver: “You gotta be kidding me!”
Police Officer: “It’s no joke, sir.”
Driver: “Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles and proceeded with caution.”
Police Officer: “That’s beside the point, sir.  You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and you didn’t.  Now if I may see your license and . . . ”
Driver: “You’ve sure got a lot of time on your hands.  What’s the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?”
Police Officer: “Sir, I’ll overlook that last comment.  Let me see your license and registration immediately!”
Driver: “I will if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop.”
Police Officer: “Sir, I can do better than that.”
He opened the car door, dragged the obnoxious motorist out, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick.
Police Officer: “Now sir, would you like me to slow down or come to a complete stop?

Source: http://www.yuksrus.com/police.html

Now That’s Funny!

November 8, 2016

Every now and then, you just need to laugh . . . here are a few images to help you get through your day.  Enjoy!

Irony
Nothing To See Here
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Street?
Chalk Outline
Who’s On Drugs?

 

 

The Bank Robbery!

October 11, 2016

Here is some police humor courtesy of http://www.clumsycrooks.com . . . enjoy!

A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door a brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber’s face.

The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.

Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, “Well, did anyone else see my face?”

There were a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said, “My wife got a pretty good look at you.”

Stop vs. Slow Down!

August 18, 2016

If you are needing a reason to laugh today, check out this joke.  Disclaimer: if you find this too violent or not funny, I will apologize in advance.  Coming from a law enforcement background myself, I find this “gallows” type of humor very funny.

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he’s smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, “What for?” The sheriff responds, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.” The lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.” “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration please,” say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.” The sheriff says, “That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle.” The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”

Source: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/office-jokes

Custom Tires!

July 26, 2016

Check out this photo courtesy of Cop Humor: the Lighter Side of Law Enforcement!  Here is a perfect example of self-deprecating humor . . . this type of humor has been defined as “a powerful form of humor that gets its strength from highlighting your own (real or imaginary) weaknesses or idiosyncrasies.” (Definition is courtesy of http://www.speaklikeapro.co.uk/Self_deprecating_humor.htm.)

This can work for an individual in any speaking situation and I would posit that it works equally well for defusing group stereotypes or similar behaviors (as evidenced by this photograph — we all know the cops and donuts stereotype, don’t we?).

Regardless, humor is humor and some is truly hilarious!  Enjoy!

J.D. “Buck” Savage!

July 17, 2016

Here is a flashback from the past for me.  Back when I was going through my police academy training (early 1980s), David Smith (aka J.D. “Buck” Savage), of the Arizona Highway Patrol, was the rage — he brought humor into the training situation by creating videos that more often than not were great examples of how “not” to do something.  They were insanely popular and very funny.  Here is the very first video created . . . enjoy!

An Excuse for Everything, Almost!

June 17, 2016

Tom’s driving down the highway and his car is swerving all over the road.  He is driving so badly that he catches the attention of a police officer on patrol.

The officer pulls him over. “Step out of the car” says the officer, “I am going to need you to take a  breathalyzer test.”

“I can’t,” replies Tom, “You see I have very bad asthma and a breathalyzer could set off an attack.”

“Alright,” says the officer, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.”

“I can’t do that either,” Tom responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.”

“Okay,” the officer answers, “then I will need a urine sample.”

“Sorry,” says Tom “I also have diabetes, a urine sample could push my sugar count really low.”

“Fine, then just come on out and walk a straight line for me.”

“I can’t do that either” responds Tom.

“Why not?” Demanded the exasperated officer.

“Well, because I’m drunk!”

For My Brothers in Blue!

June 4, 2016

This editorial rolled across my radar screen earlier this month and I found it worthy of sharing . . . just some thought provoking dichotomies to ponder.

“I am just a cop

Actors play me as a hero in movies making millions
Then do interviews calling me an evil thug

Citizens bitch about my speed when seeing me race to a call someplace else
Then complain I took to long when responding to their home

The news media questioned why I used a gun versus TASER last week
This week they question if my TASER is excessive use of force

Network TV shows depict me as the good guy in Prime Time to sell advertising
Network News shows depict me as the enemy during news hour to sell advertising

Lawmakers call for me to have more training at election time
Then slash my budget taking away training money at tax time

Parents call me to “scare” their kids into behaving and following the law
Later they call me to complain I arrested their kids who “never” get in trouble

Neighbors tell me they respect me and could never do my job
In that same conversation, they tell me what I do wrong and how to better do my job

Society elects officials to enact laws for me to enforce
Yet society blames for laws they feel are unfair

Protestors advocate for violence against me
At a protest where I am protecting them from the violence of others

Community members ask me to sacrifice my life in the service of others
They then complain when my funeral procession disrupts traffic

City Hall expects me to give up time with my family to work extra
But City Hall then complains about my overtime earnings

My management asks me to charge into the face of danger and stress
The same management ignores my PTSD or other stress illnesses

I am just a cop…”

Rescue Humor with RJ Beam