Archive for the ‘Police’ Category

Some More Police Humor!

May 26, 2018

Happy Saturday!  Here is a new batch of groaners.  Enjoy!

Q.:  Why was the picture sent to jail?
A.:  It was framed.

Q.:  How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A.:  None, it turned itself in.

Q.:  Why did the chicken cross the road?
A.:  We don’t know, but give us five minutes with the chicken and we’ll find out.

A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you
had to arrest your own mother?”
He said: “Call for backup.”

A police man pulls over a drunk driver for not stopping at a stop sign and asks the driver if he saw the stop sign. The driver replies “I did but it turned red too fast for me to stop.”

A crook rented an apartment over a police station.
He feels he is “above the law, now!”

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National Police Week, 2018!

May 14, 2018

bannerPolice Week officially began yesterday and continues through Saturday (May 19th), a week in which we honor those that have paid the ultimate sacrifice in their communities.

Here is the official schedule of events.

Here is the Roll Call of Heroes.

We will never forget!

Tulsa Police Officers’ Memorial, 2018!

May 5, 2018

Today we honor those Tulsa police officers who have been killed in the line of duty.  And while they may be gone, they will never be forgotten.   Here’s Alan Jackson’s version of Amazing Grace.

Pillars of Health!

April 18, 2018

I recently read an article about health and police officers and discovered that a heart attack claims more that sixty (60) times the number of officers than any other kind of violent incident or attack.  These “pillars” are fairly sound advice for anyone (not just the law enforcement community).

Pillar #1 — Sleep (you need to get 7-8 good hours of sleep per night).

Pillar #2 — Food (what you eat [nutritious] and how much you eat [moderation] are important).

Pillar #3 — Exercise (get started doing something [don’t over do it] and get into a routine; consistency is the key, but remember, you can’t “outrun your diet”).

Pillar #4 — Supplements (a basic multi-vitamin is a great place to start to fill any nutritional gaps in your diet).

 

The Papal Chauffeur!

December 28, 2017

Happy Thursday!  As we “race” to the weekend, here is a funny speeding joke.

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope’s authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.

They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: “Who is in the limo, the mayor?”
The policeman told him: “No, someone more important than the mayor.”

Then the chief asked “Is it the governor?”
The policeman answered: “No, someone more important than the governor.”

The chief finally asked: “Is it the President?”
The policeman answered: “No, someone even more important than the President.”

This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: “Now who is more important than the President?!”
The policeman calmly whispered: “I’ll put it to you this way chief. I don’t know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur.”

Source: http://www.workjoke.com

Fun Fact Friday, Number Fifty-Five!

December 22, 2017

The category for today’s trivial imponderable is “language/initials/mottos.”  Do you know when the English word “pig” was first used as a pejorative term for a police officer?

Sorry, it was not the 1960s during the Civil Rights era.  Rather, in the early nineteenth century, “pig” was used and applied to plainclothes policemen in London.  However, in languages other than English, the term was used much earlier (e.g., when the children of Israel condemned the Roman police authorities long before the nineteenth century).

Source: Sorry, Wrong Answer: Trivia Questions That Even Know-It-Alls Get Wrong, by Dr. Rod L. Evans.

Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up!

November 16, 2017

Happy Monday!  Let’s start the new work week with a real groaner . . . enjoy!

One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.

Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station.

When they got there the chief asked them their names.

“Shut Up”, replied Shut Up.
“Stupid”, replied Stupid.

The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad.

“Excuse Me!” shouted the chief.

Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names.

“Shut Up!”
“Stupid!”

The police chief was very riled. He then asked
“Are you looking for trouble?”!!!

Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,

“Why yes, how did you know?”

Source: https://unijokes.com/cop-jokes/13/

The Rabbi and the Priest . . . !

October 23, 2017

Happy Monday!  How about a bit of humor as we begin the new work week?

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force.

Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.

After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt. This must be a sign from God!”

Pointing to the sky, he continues, “God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth.”

The priest replies, “I agree with you completely. This must surely be a sign from God!”

The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, “And look at this! Here’s another miracle! My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break. Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune.”

The priest nods in agreement. The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.

The priest, baffled, asks, “Aren’t you having any, Rabbi?”

The rabbi replies, “Nah… I think I’ll wait for the police.”

Source: https://unijokes.com/cop-jokes/7/

The Job Interview!

September 23, 2017

Happy Saturday!  As we begin the weekend, how about a little police humor, just for grins?

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer, who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket, went in to try out for the job.

“Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?”

“11” he replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.”
“What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?”
“Today and tomorrow.”

He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.  “Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?”

Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.”

“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?”

So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. “It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”

Source: https://unijokes.com/cop-jokes/5/

The “Bee” Team!

August 24, 2017

Talk about a non-traditional role . . .  were you aware of the fact that the New York City Police Department has a couple of on-staff beekeepers?  Back in 1994, one of the new recruits (Anthony Planakis) was an avid beekeeper (as a hobby . . . he was a fourth generation beekeeper).  He has been helping out with bee infestations and swarms in the New York City area for years.  Planakis recently retired (2014), but the beekeeper role has been filled, as of 2015, and two officers now work in this capacity as needed.    Very cool indeed!

They even have an official twitter account!

Read the full story here.