Archive for the ‘Quotations’ Category

Marriage Advice, Number Five!

December 23, 2018

Here is the fifth installment of advice on How to be Happy Though Married.  Enjoy!

The Pleasures of Marriage
“Five or six years of married life will often reduce a naturally irascible man to so angelic a condition that it would hardly be safe to trust him with a pair of wings.”  (How to Be Happy Though Married, 1895)

The Pains of Marriage
“What fearful disorder must prevail in that domestic circle where the presiding influence of woman is not felt, or where it is felt only as an evil genius exerting a fitful and pernicious control.”  (Counsels to a Newly Wedded Pair, 1836)

Hints for Husbands
“Do not expect her to smile in unmoved serenity when children are ungovernable, servants are in high rebellion, and husband comes home cross and hungry.”  (Wedlock, or the Right Relation of the Sexes, 1874)

Hints for Wives
“Don’t sit up till he comes home from the club; better be in bed and pretend to be asleep.  If you must be awake, seem to be glad he came home early.  He will probably think you an idiot; but that’s inevitable anyway.”  (Advice in the Isle of Man Times, 1895)

The Marital Bed
“When the husband cometh into his wife’s chamber, he must entertain her with all kinds of dalliance, wanton behaviour, and allurements to venery.  But if he perceive her to be slow, and more cold, he must cherish, embrace and tickle her.”  (The Art of Begetting Handsome Children, 1860)

Source: How to Be Happy Though Married: Matrimonial Strife Through the Ages, compiled by Emily Brand.

Marriage Advice, Number Four!

November 24, 2018

Here is the fourth installment of advice on How to be Happy Though Married.  Enjoy!

The Pleasures of Marriage
“Romantic love is a species of drunkenness — even dullards are aware of this ; they are aware of it when they are not in love, and either forget it or disregard it when they are.”  (The Art of Making a Perfect Husband, 1929)

The Pains of Marriage
“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”  (Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900)

Hints for Husbands
“He that doth get a wench with child and marries her afterwards it is as if a man should shit in his hat and then clap it on his head.”  (Samuel Pepys, Diary, 1660)

Hints for Wives
“The Honeymoon is over; the die is cast.  You and you only stand between your husband’s and your starvation . . . Feeding a husband successfully starts with feeding him the things he likes to eat, for a clever bride cooks to please her man.”  (Happy Living!  A Guidebook for Brides, 1965)

The Marital Bed
“It may not be amiss to remind the bridegroom that the fair lasts all the year, and that he should be careful not to spend his stock lavishly, as women in general are better pleased in having a thing once well done than often ill done.”  (Aristotle’s Masterpiece, c. 1684)

Source: How to Be Happy Though Married: Matrimonial Strife Through the Ages, compiled by Emily Brand.

Marriage Advice, Number Three!

October 23, 2018

Here is the third installment of advice on How to be Happy Though Married.  Enjoy!

The Pleasures of Marriage
“Against love there is no remedy, neither a potion, nor powder, nor song; nothing except kissing, fondling, and lying together naked are of assistance.”  (Longus of Lesbos, Daphne and Chloe, 2nd Century)

The Pains of Marriage
“Marriage is the tomb of love.”  (Giacomo Casanova, 1725-1798)

Hints for Husbands
“One shouldn’t be too inquisitive in life — either about God’s secrets or one’s wife.”   (Geoffrey Chaucer, The Canterbury Tales, 14th Century)

Hints for Wives
“I consider it every girl’s duty to marry £80,000 a year.”  (Alice Catherine Miles, Debutante, c. 1868)

The Marital Bed
“And she who gluts more than her fill of food and wine, soon finds a taste for bold excess below the waist!  No worthy man will pay his court to lady of such lowly sort.”  (Robert de Bois, Advice to Ladies, 13th Century)

Source: How to Be Happy Though Married: Matrimonial Strife Through the Ages, compiled by Emily Brand.

Marriage Advice, Number Two!

September 24, 2018

Here is the second installment of advice on How to be Happy Though Married.  Enjoy!

The Pleasures of Marriage
“Single women have a dreadful propensity for being poor, which is one very strong argument in favour of matrimony.”  (Jane Austen, 1816)

The Pains of Marriage
“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”  (Socrates, 4th Century)

Hints for Husbands
“Don’t throw cigar-ends into the bowl of water your wife keeps in front of the gas-fire.  They are not ornamental, and she will not be pleased.” (Don’ts for Husbands and Wives, 1913)

Hints for Wives
“A bad wife —

  • Eats onions, radishes or garlic before a date or going to bed.
  • Wears pajamas while cooking.
  • Fails to wash top of milk bottle before opening it.
  • Puts her cold feet on husband at night to warm them.”  (Dr. Crane’s Marital Rating Scale, c. 1939)

The Marital Bed
“I am happy now that Charles calls on my bedchamber less frequently than of old.  As it is, I now endure but two calls a week and when I hear his steps outside my door I lie down on my bed, close my eyes, open my legs and think of England.”  (Lady Alice Hillingdon, Journal, 1912)

Source: How to Be Happy Though Married: Matrimonial Strife Through the Ages, compiled by Emily Brand.

Marriage Counsel Through the Ages!

August 23, 2018

Having never been married myself, I am certainly no expert and should be the last person to provide advice on how to maintain one’s happiness when married.  So instead, I will rely on the sage advice of others who highlight:

  • the pleasures of marriage,
  • the pains of marriage,
  • hints for husbands,
  • hints for wives, and,
  • the marital bed.

The Pleasures of Marriage
“What is better than wisdom?  Woman.  And what is better than a good woman?  Nothing.”  (Geoffrey Chaucer, The Canterbury Tales, 14th Century)

The Pains of Marriage
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” (Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary, 1911)

Hints for Husbands
“According to the old custom, Egyptian women did not wear shoes; this was so that they should spend all day at home.  With most women, if you take away their gilded shoes and bracelets and anklets, their purple dresses and their pearls, they too will stay at home.”  (Plutarch, Advice to the Bride and Groom, 1st Century)

Hints for Wives
“Her hand seeketh employment; her foot delighteth not in gadding abroad.”  (The Economy of Human Life, 1750)

The Marital Bed
“The fate of marriage depends on the first night.”  (Honoré de Balzac, 1799-1850)

Source: How to Be Happy Though Married: Matrimonial Strife Through the Ages, compiled by Emily Brand.

Happy Father’s Day 2018!

June 17, 2018

Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

“The greatest gift I ever had, came from God; I call him Dad!”  Unknown

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.” (Jim Valvano)

“A father is someone you look up to, no matter how tall you grow.”  Unknown

“My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”  (Clarence Budington Kelland)


May 31, 2018

Virtue_largeHere is the next demotivator for your viewing pleasure . . . and speaking of virtue, it reminds me of a quotation that my father was fond of repeating: “Patience is a virtue, possess it if you can, seldom found in woman, never found in man.”  Attributed to Father Jonathan Morris, a Roman Catholic priest (born in Ohio, as was my father, but now living in New York).

Memorial Day, 2018!

May 28, 2018

Today we honor those who died while serving in our country’s armed forces.  What better honor than through the words of others . . . here  are some notable quotations from over the years:

  • “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.”  — Nathan Hale, American patriot
  • “The beginning of the end of war lies in remembrance.” – Herman Wouk
  • “It is foolish and wrong to mourn them who died.  Rather we should thank God that such men lived.”  — General George S. Patton
  • “That we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain; that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom; and that government, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.” — Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address, 1863
  • “The 30th of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village, and hamlet churchyard in the land….” — General John A. Logan
  • “Let no vandalism of avarice or neglect, no ravages of time testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a people the cost of a free and undivided republic.” — General Logan, 1868
  • “Let us in this solemn presence renew our pledges to aid and assist those whom they have left among us a sacred charge upon a nation’s gratitude, the soldier’s and sailor’s widow and orphan.” — General Logan, 1868
  • “This Memorial Day, on which we decorate their graves with the tokens of love and affection, is no idle ceremony with us, to pass away an hour; but it brings back to our minds in all their vividness the fearful conflicts of that terrible war in which they fell as victims…. Let us, then, all unite in the solemn feelings of the hour, and tender with our flowers the warmest sympathies of our souls! Let us revive our patriotism and love of country by this act, and strengthen our loyalty by the example of the noble dead around us….”  — General Logan, May 30, 1870
  • “All of us hope and pray that the time will come when we no longer need to dedicate memorials to men who died in battle–that we will dedicate memorials to those who live in peace–to all nations and all men.” — Senator Frank G. Moss, USS Utah Memorial ground breaking, December 7, 1971
  • “The United States and the freedom for which it stands, the freedom for which they died, must endure and prosper. Their lives remind us that freedom is not bought cheaply. It has a cost; it imposes a burden.” — Ronald Reagan, Memorial Day speech, 1982
  • “To preserve the peace, we must never forget the sacrifices that have paved the way to peace.” — Bill Clinton, Memorial Day Address, 2000
  • “They defended our nation, they liberated the oppressed, they served the cause of peace. And all Americans who have known the loss and sadness of war, whether recently or long ago, can know this: The person they love and miss is honored and remembered by the United States of America.” — George W. Bush, Memorial Day Address, 2004

A Well-Developed Conscience!

April 8, 2018

Having a conscience, the ability to judge the rightness or the wrongness of your behavior,  is something that develops over the course of time (as we mature).  It is usually taught to us by our parents about the behaviors that must be demonstrated to effectively operate within society.  Okay, that’s all well and good . . . but here are some additional “definitions” courtesy of The Cynic’s Dictionary.  Enjoy!

“What your mother told you before you were six years old.”  (Brock Chisolm)

“An anticipation of the opinions of others.”  (Henry Taylor)

“Ought-to suggestion.”  (H.L. Mencken)

“The thing that hurts when everything else feels good.”  (Hebert Prochnow)

“What makes cowards of us all.”  (William Shakespeare)

“What makes egotists of us all.”  (Oscar Wilde)

“The inner voice that warns us that someone may be looking.”  (H.L. Mencken)

“Something that doesn’t only make cowards of us all, but dyspeptics too.”  (Helen Simpson)

“What makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.”  (Franklin P. Jones)

Source: The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone, p. 59-60.

Marriage and Loneliness!

March 24, 2018

I have been single my entire life (and I’m perfectly okay with this) and have dealt with the issue of loneliness from time to time.  And, while many people get married to “escape the pain of being single,” they invariable discover that marriage could be even more painful than solitude.  I found a few quotations about this in the book Oxymoronica.  Apparently some people have figured this out.

“If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry.”  (Anton Chekhov)

“Marriage is lonelier than solitude.”  (Adrienne Rich)

“The surest way to be alone is to get married”  (Gloria Steinem)

“Marriage is the only thing that affords a woman the pleasure of company and the perfect sensation of solitude at the same time.”  (Helen Rowland)

So what is the better choice?  Get married?  Or remain single?  Here are some more quotations . . .  enjoy!

“One was never married, and that’s his hell; another is and that’s his plague.”  (Robert Burton)

“Matrimony and bachelorhood are both of them at once equally wise and equally foolish.”  (Samuel Butler)

“It doesn’t matter whether you decide to marry or stay single; either way you’ll be sorry.”  (Socrates)

Source: Oxymoronica by Dr. Mardy Grothe