Archive for the ‘Quotations’ Category

Fun Fact Friday, Number One Hundred Twenty-Three!

April 19, 2019

The category for today’s trivial imponderable is “geography.”  Do you know . . . excluding cities in Alaska, which U.S. city is the largest in area?”

If you guessed Los Angeles (469.1 square miles, per the World Almanac and Book of Facts, 2009), you would have guessed wrong.  The largest non-Alaskan city is Jacksonville, Florida (757.7 square miles).

Source: Sorry, Wrong Answer: Trivia Questions That Even Know-It-Alls Get Wrong, by Dr. Rod L. Evans.

Travel Oxymoronica!

March 26, 2019

Here are a few gems that are “travel-related” oxymoronica.   Enjoy!

“We were at sea — there is no other adequate expression — on the plains of Nebraska.”  (Robert Louis Stevenson, Across the Plains)

“Like all great travelers, I have seen more than I remember, and remember more than I have seen.”  (Benjamin Disraeli)

“The average tourist wants to go places where there are no tourists.”  (Sam Ewing)

Source: oxymoronica by Dr. Mardy Grothe

Oxymoronica from World Literature!

January 26, 2019

Examples of oxymoronica in the category of “world literature” abound.  Here are a few of my favorites.

“All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.”  (George Orwell, Animal Farm)

“The malicious have a dark happiness.”  (Victor Hugo, Les Miserables)

“And many men say there is written upon his tomb this verse: ‘Here lies Arthur, the once and future king.'”  (Sir Thomas Mallory, Le Morte d’Arthur)

Source: oxymoronica by Dr. Mardy Grothe

Marriage Advice, Number Five!

December 23, 2018

Here is the fifth installment of advice on How to be Happy Though Married.  Enjoy!

The Pleasures of Marriage
“Five or six years of married life will often reduce a naturally irascible man to so angelic a condition that it would hardly be safe to trust him with a pair of wings.”  (How to Be Happy Though Married, 1895)

The Pains of Marriage
“What fearful disorder must prevail in that domestic circle where the presiding influence of woman is not felt, or where it is felt only as an evil genius exerting a fitful and pernicious control.”  (Counsels to a Newly Wedded Pair, 1836)

Hints for Husbands
“Do not expect her to smile in unmoved serenity when children are ungovernable, servants are in high rebellion, and husband comes home cross and hungry.”  (Wedlock, or the Right Relation of the Sexes, 1874)

Hints for Wives
“Don’t sit up till he comes home from the club; better be in bed and pretend to be asleep.  If you must be awake, seem to be glad he came home early.  He will probably think you an idiot; but that’s inevitable anyway.”  (Advice in the Isle of Man Times, 1895)

The Marital Bed
“When the husband cometh into his wife’s chamber, he must entertain her with all kinds of dalliance, wanton behaviour, and allurements to venery.  But if he perceive her to be slow, and more cold, he must cherish, embrace and tickle her.”  (The Art of Begetting Handsome Children, 1860)

Source: How to Be Happy Though Married: Matrimonial Strife Through the Ages, compiled by Emily Brand.

Marriage Advice, Number Four!

November 24, 2018

Here is the fourth installment of advice on How to be Happy Though Married.  Enjoy!

The Pleasures of Marriage
“Romantic love is a species of drunkenness — even dullards are aware of this ; they are aware of it when they are not in love, and either forget it or disregard it when they are.”  (The Art of Making a Perfect Husband, 1929)

The Pains of Marriage
“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”  (Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900)

Hints for Husbands
“He that doth get a wench with child and marries her afterwards it is as if a man should shit in his hat and then clap it on his head.”  (Samuel Pepys, Diary, 1660)

Hints for Wives
“The Honeymoon is over; the die is cast.  You and you only stand between your husband’s and your starvation . . . Feeding a husband successfully starts with feeding him the things he likes to eat, for a clever bride cooks to please her man.”  (Happy Living!  A Guidebook for Brides, 1965)

The Marital Bed
“It may not be amiss to remind the bridegroom that the fair lasts all the year, and that he should be careful not to spend his stock lavishly, as women in general are better pleased in having a thing once well done than often ill done.”  (Aristotle’s Masterpiece, c. 1684)

Source: How to Be Happy Though Married: Matrimonial Strife Through the Ages, compiled by Emily Brand.

Marriage Advice, Number Three!

October 23, 2018

Here is the third installment of advice on How to be Happy Though Married.  Enjoy!

The Pleasures of Marriage
“Against love there is no remedy, neither a potion, nor powder, nor song; nothing except kissing, fondling, and lying together naked are of assistance.”  (Longus of Lesbos, Daphne and Chloe, 2nd Century)

The Pains of Marriage
“Marriage is the tomb of love.”  (Giacomo Casanova, 1725-1798)

Hints for Husbands
“One shouldn’t be too inquisitive in life — either about God’s secrets or one’s wife.”   (Geoffrey Chaucer, The Canterbury Tales, 14th Century)

Hints for Wives
“I consider it every girl’s duty to marry £80,000 a year.”  (Alice Catherine Miles, Debutante, c. 1868)

The Marital Bed
“And she who gluts more than her fill of food and wine, soon finds a taste for bold excess below the waist!  No worthy man will pay his court to lady of such lowly sort.”  (Robert de Bois, Advice to Ladies, 13th Century)

Source: How to Be Happy Though Married: Matrimonial Strife Through the Ages, compiled by Emily Brand.

Marriage Advice, Number Two!

September 24, 2018

Here is the second installment of advice on How to be Happy Though Married.  Enjoy!

The Pleasures of Marriage
“Single women have a dreadful propensity for being poor, which is one very strong argument in favour of matrimony.”  (Jane Austen, 1816)

The Pains of Marriage
“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”  (Socrates, 4th Century)

Hints for Husbands
“Don’t throw cigar-ends into the bowl of water your wife keeps in front of the gas-fire.  They are not ornamental, and she will not be pleased.” (Don’ts for Husbands and Wives, 1913)

Hints for Wives
“A bad wife —

  • Eats onions, radishes or garlic before a date or going to bed.
  • Wears pajamas while cooking.
  • Fails to wash top of milk bottle before opening it.
  • Puts her cold feet on husband at night to warm them.”  (Dr. Crane’s Marital Rating Scale, c. 1939)

The Marital Bed
“I am happy now that Charles calls on my bedchamber less frequently than of old.  As it is, I now endure but two calls a week and when I hear his steps outside my door I lie down on my bed, close my eyes, open my legs and think of England.”  (Lady Alice Hillingdon, Journal, 1912)

Source: How to Be Happy Though Married: Matrimonial Strife Through the Ages, compiled by Emily Brand.

Marriage Counsel Through the Ages!

August 23, 2018

Having never been married myself, I am certainly no expert and should be the last person to provide advice on how to maintain one’s happiness when married.  So instead, I will rely on the sage advice of others who highlight:

  • the pleasures of marriage,
  • the pains of marriage,
  • hints for husbands,
  • hints for wives, and,
  • the marital bed.

The Pleasures of Marriage
“What is better than wisdom?  Woman.  And what is better than a good woman?  Nothing.”  (Geoffrey Chaucer, The Canterbury Tales, 14th Century)

The Pains of Marriage
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” (Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary, 1911)

Hints for Husbands
“According to the old custom, Egyptian women did not wear shoes; this was so that they should spend all day at home.  With most women, if you take away their gilded shoes and bracelets and anklets, their purple dresses and their pearls, they too will stay at home.”  (Plutarch, Advice to the Bride and Groom, 1st Century)

Hints for Wives
“Her hand seeketh employment; her foot delighteth not in gadding abroad.”  (The Economy of Human Life, 1750)

The Marital Bed
“The fate of marriage depends on the first night.”  (Honoré de Balzac, 1799-1850)

Source: How to Be Happy Though Married: Matrimonial Strife Through the Ages, compiled by Emily Brand.

Happy Father’s Day 2018!

June 17, 2018

Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

“The greatest gift I ever had, came from God; I call him Dad!”  Unknown

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.” (Jim Valvano)

“A father is someone you look up to, no matter how tall you grow.”  Unknown

“My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”  (Clarence Budington Kelland)

Virtue!

May 31, 2018

Virtue_largeHere is the next demotivator for your viewing pleasure . . . and speaking of virtue, it reminds me of a quotation that my father was fond of repeating: “Patience is a virtue, possess it if you can, seldom found in woman, never found in man.”  Attributed to Father Jonathan Morris, a Roman Catholic priest (born in Ohio, as was my father, but now living in New York).