Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

The Cat and the Comma!

July 10, 2017

Once in a while you run across a joke that is a bit more intellectual than most.  And, when it includes a pun as well . . . ah, that’s just wonderful!  Here’s a joke that I discovered recently (please don’t groan too loudly).

Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Source: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/latest-jokes

Mediocrity!

June 29, 2017

MediocrityPenguins_grandeHow often have you found yourself in the situation of saying to yourself that something you are working on is “good enough,” or that it is not worth putting any more effort into?  You could be suffering from a dose of “mediocrity.” Then again, you may also realize that while it is good to strive for excellence, perfection is never truly achieved and “good enough” can sometimes be an excellent compromise rather than being a slave to perfectionistic tendencies.  Regardless, here is a humorous look at mediocrity, courtesy of http://www.despair.com, that should hopefully bring a smile to your face!  Hang in there, the weekend is nearly upon us.

Drinkin’ With the Guys!

June 11, 2017

Some weekend humor for you (courtesy of laffgaff.com).  Enjoy!

Bob left work one Friday evening.

But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his friends and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

He replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Interns!

May 31, 2017

Interns_largeOn this, the last day of the month of May, and, on the heels of the Memorial Day weekend, spring is drawing to a close and summer is getting underway.  This also represents the start of  summer internships for many students.  Here is a humorous demotivator (courtesy of http://www.despair.com) that accurately pokes fun at interns.  Enjoy!

Forgive Me Father . . . !

May 28, 2017

. . . for I have sinned.  This is the phrase that I was taught in grade school as the standard opening petition to a Catholic priest when going to confession or the rite of reconciliation.  Here is a joke I heard recently that I will definitely “beg for forgiveness” in advance.

One Saturday morning, a Catholic priest was hearing confessions when a young boy (let’s call him Tom) entered the confessional to confess his sins.

Tom mentioned that he had been “loose with a girl.”

The priest then asked the boy “was it Cindy?”

Tom said “no.”

The priest then asked, “was it Jennifer?”

Tom again said “no.”

Th priest then asked, “was it Rachel?”

Once again Tom said “no.”

The priest then replied that for penance, the boy could not be an altar boy for the next four months.

So, Tom thanked the priest and left the confessional.

Tom then went outside, where his friends had gathered and were interested in the outcome.

Tom replied “well, I got a four-month vacation, and three new leads.”

A Lesson on Materialism!

May 11, 2017

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen-wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver’s side door with him standing right there.

“NOOO!” he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.

Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling: “MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!”

“You are a lawyer aren’t you?” asked the policeman.

“Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?” the lawyer asked.

“HA! You lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn’t even notice that your left arm is missing did you?” the cop said.

The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed “MY ROLEX!”

Downsizing!

April 30, 2017

Downsizing_largeWhen this newest batch of demotivators (courtesy of www-dot-despair-dot-com) was released last fall, I couldn’t wait to start sharing them. They are simply marvelous!  I have personally never had to face or had to worry about a “downsizing” on the job, so this may not seem quite as funny to those who have, but in the true spirit of poking fun at anything and everything . . . carpe diem!

Some Humor for the Weekend!

April 22, 2017

Happy Saturday!  Here are a few computer-related jokes that I have had the pleasure of running across lately.  Enjoy!

Did you know that the oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve?
Surprise!  Surprise!
It was an Apple.
But, it had extremely limited memory . . .
Just 1 byte . . .
Then everything crashed.

“If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0.”

I changed my password to “incorrect,” so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say “your password is incorrect.”

Computer: Press any key to start.
User: Where’s the “any” key?

Need a few more?  Check out this page.

 

An Occasional Insult!

April 9, 2017

Here are a few quotations (of insults) that are simple and powerful in their own right. And yet, they are all a bit oxymoronic!

“Deep down, he’s shallow.”  (Anonymous)

“He had nothing to say and he said it.”  (Ambrose Bierce, on a contemporary)

“He’s the kind of guy that can brighten a room by leaving it.”  (Milton Berle, on a contemporary)

“A professional amateur.” (Lawrence Olivier, on Marilyn Monroe)

“He has delusions of adequacy.”  (Walter Kerr, on a contemporary actor)

“A genius with the IQ of a moron.”  (Gore Vidal, on Andy Warhol)

“An inspired idiot.”  (Horace Walpole, on Oliver Goldsmith)

“A sweetly vicious old lady.”  (Tennessee Williams, on Truman Capote)

Source: oxymoronica by Dr. Mardy Grothe.

Don’t Groan Too Loudly!

April 8, 2017

Happy Saturday!  Here’s a joke that I ran across the other day . . . it spans both my careers (law enforcement and librarianship) and even has a bit of a pun/play on words at the end.  Enjoy!

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.

He stopped the car and asked, “Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?”

“That it is,” Irish Mike replied grimly, “ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball.”

“You mean you pinched his honor?” asked Pat.

“How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?” demanded Mike.

“Well,” mused Pat, “there’s a lesson in this somewhere.”

“That there is,” replied Irish Mike….” ‘Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover.”