Posts Tagged ‘Jokes’

Some Early Week Humor!

May 22, 2018

Happy Tuesday!  Everybody likes “light bulb” jokes, right? (e.g., how many x does it take to change a light bulb?)  So today, we’ll examine this from the social work discipline.

Question: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: One. But the light has to want to change.

Or, how about any one of these alternative answers:

  • “The light bulb doesn’t need changing, it’s the system that needs to change.”
  • None. Social workers never change anything.
  • None. They empower it to change itself!
  • None. The light bulb is not burnt out, it’s just differently lit.
  • None. They set up a team to write a paper on coping with darkness.
  • Two. One to change the bulb and another to put your kids into care.
  • Five. One to screw it in, three to form the support group, and one to help with placement.

 

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How About Some Chuck?!

January 23, 2018

Chuck Norris, that is.  Here is a small sampling of some funny Chuck Norris jokes.  For even more, check out this site.  Happy Tuesday!

  • Chuck Norris once had an arm-wrestling competition with Superman. The bet was that the loser has to then wear his underwear on top of his trousers.
  • Recently, a police patrol stopped Chuck Norris when he was driving along. They got off with only a warning.
  • Chuck Norris tried to lose weight. But Chuck Norris NEVER loses.
  • Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute didn’t open. He went back to the store the following day to claim a refund.
  • Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. His descendants are known today as giraffes.
  • Chuck Norris has a Grizzly bear rug. The bear is alive, but it’s too scared to move.

I could go on, but you can torture yourself some more by clicking on the above link for nine pages worth of more Chuck Norris jokes.  Enjoy!

Entering Heaven!

December 24, 2017

Well, it is Christmas Eve, and following the hectic build-up to the Christmas holiday, here is a little humor to hopefully make you smile today (courtesy of “Mirthologist,” Dr. Steven Sultanoff).

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes  Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said. “You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.” Saint Peter said, “You may pass through the pearly gates.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s glasses.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “They’re Carol’s.”

Source: Humor Matters, Dr. Steven M. Sultanoff

Some Groaners!

August 28, 2017

Last month I ran across some jokes that were advertised as “You Gotta Laugh,” and boy, were they right!   Enjoy!

Q: What was the patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War?
A: Chicken catch-a-Tory!

“I just got an email about how to read maps backward, but it turned out to be spam.”

Grandpa: Young man, I’d like to tell you a joke about Social Security.”
Grandson: “What’s that?”
Grandpa: “You probably won’t get it.”

Source: AARP Bulletin, July-August 2017, p. 54

Some Chemistry Humor!

August 14, 2017

Here is a funny joke/pun involving sodium chloride and copper.  Enjoy!

SaltandCopper

Source: http://www.jokelibrary.net/education/chemistry.html

The Cat and the Comma!

July 10, 2017

Once in a while you run across a joke that is a bit more intellectual than most.  And, when it includes a pun as well . . . ah, that’s just wonderful!  Here’s a joke that I discovered recently (please don’t groan too loudly).

Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Source: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/latest-jokes

Drinkin’ With the Guys!

June 11, 2017

Some weekend humor for you (courtesy of laffgaff.com).  Enjoy!

Bob left work one Friday evening.

But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his friends and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

He replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Some Humor for the Weekend!

April 22, 2017

Happy Saturday!  Here are a few computer-related jokes that I have had the pleasure of running across lately.  Enjoy!

Did you know that the oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve?
Surprise!  Surprise!
It was an Apple.
But, it had extremely limited memory . . .
Just 1 byte . . .
Then everything crashed.

“If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0.”

I changed my password to “incorrect,” so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say “your password is incorrect.”

Computer: Press any key to start.
User: Where’s the “any” key?

Need a few more?  Check out this page.

 

The Job Interview!

August 26, 2016

This joke is actually a good example of knowing your market and tempering your expectations!   Enjoy!

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,

“And what starting salary are you looking for?”

The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”

The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

Source: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/office-jokes

Stop vs. Slow Down!

August 18, 2016

If you are needing a reason to laugh today, check out this joke.  Disclaimer: if you find this too violent or not funny, I will apologize in advance.  Coming from a law enforcement background myself, I find this “gallows” type of humor very funny.

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he’s smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, “What for?” The sheriff responds, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.” The lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.” “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration please,” say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.” The sheriff says, “That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle.” The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”

Source: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/office-jokes