Posts Tagged ‘Police Officers’

The “Bee” Team!

August 24, 2017

Talk about a non-traditional role . . .  were you aware of the fact that the New York City Police Department has a couple of on-staff beekeepers?  Back in 1994, one of the new recruits (Anthony Planakis) was an avid beekeeper (as a hobby . . . he was a fourth generation beekeeper).  He has been helping out with bee infestations and swarms in the New York City area for years.  Planakis recently retired (2014), but the beekeeper role has been filled, as of 2015, and two officers now work in this capacity as needed.    Very cool indeed!

They even have an official twitter account!

Read the full story here.

 

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A Lesson on Materialism!

May 11, 2017

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen-wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver’s side door with him standing right there.

“NOOO!” he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.

Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling: “MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!”

“You are a lawyer aren’t you?” asked the policeman.

“Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?” the lawyer asked.

“HA! You lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn’t even notice that your left arm is missing did you?” the cop said.

The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed “MY ROLEX!”

Tulsa Police Officers’ Memorial, 2017!

May 6, 2017

The first Saturday of May is the day that the Tulsa Police Department honors its fallen. This year marks the 100th year Anniversary of Tulsa’s first line of duty death (Sgt. John Herrod who died November 9, 1917, as the result of a gunshot wound when his pistol accidentally fell out of its holster).  Here is a touching version of “Amazing Grace” . . . rest in piece, brothers and sisters.   We will never forget.

It’s Not Always What You Think!

December 24, 2016

Sometimes you just never see the punchline coming . . .

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera when off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly.  Another flash.  He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed.  Same result.

“This guy must have screwed up the settings,” the off-duty officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

Source: http://www.yuksrus.com/police.html

Stop vs. Slow Down!

August 18, 2016

If you are needing a reason to laugh today, check out this joke.  Disclaimer: if you find this too violent or not funny, I will apologize in advance.  Coming from a law enforcement background myself, I find this “gallows” type of humor very funny.

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he’s smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, “What for?” The sheriff responds, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.” The lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.” “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration please,” say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.” The sheriff says, “That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle.” The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”

Source: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/office-jokes

J.D. “Buck” Savage!

July 17, 2016

Here is a flashback from the past for me.  Back when I was going through my police academy training (early 1980s), David Smith (aka J.D. “Buck” Savage), of the Arizona Highway Patrol, was the rage — he brought humor into the training situation by creating videos that more often than not were great examples of how “not” to do something.  They were insanely popular and very funny.  Here is the very first video created . . . enjoy!

An Excuse for Everything, Almost!

June 17, 2016

Tom’s driving down the highway and his car is swerving all over the road.  He is driving so badly that he catches the attention of a police officer on patrol.

The officer pulls him over. “Step out of the car” says the officer, “I am going to need you to take a  breathalyzer test.”

“I can’t,” replies Tom, “You see I have very bad asthma and a breathalyzer could set off an attack.”

“Alright,” says the officer, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.”

“I can’t do that either,” Tom responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.”

“Okay,” the officer answers, “then I will need a urine sample.”

“Sorry,” says Tom “I also have diabetes, a urine sample could push my sugar count really low.”

“Fine, then just come on out and walk a straight line for me.”

“I can’t do that either” responds Tom.

“Why not?” Demanded the exasperated officer.

“Well, because I’m drunk!”

For My Brothers in Blue!

June 4, 2016

This editorial rolled across my radar screen earlier this month and I found it worthy of sharing . . . just some thought provoking dichotomies to ponder.

“I am just a cop

Actors play me as a hero in movies making millions
Then do interviews calling me an evil thug

Citizens bitch about my speed when seeing me race to a call someplace else
Then complain I took to long when responding to their home

The news media questioned why I used a gun versus TASER last week
This week they question if my TASER is excessive use of force

Network TV shows depict me as the good guy in Prime Time to sell advertising
Network News shows depict me as the enemy during news hour to sell advertising

Lawmakers call for me to have more training at election time
Then slash my budget taking away training money at tax time

Parents call me to “scare” their kids into behaving and following the law
Later they call me to complain I arrested their kids who “never” get in trouble

Neighbors tell me they respect me and could never do my job
In that same conversation, they tell me what I do wrong and how to better do my job

Society elects officials to enact laws for me to enforce
Yet society blames for laws they feel are unfair

Protestors advocate for violence against me
At a protest where I am protecting them from the violence of others

Community members ask me to sacrifice my life in the service of others
They then complain when my funeral procession disrupts traffic

City Hall expects me to give up time with my family to work extra
But City Hall then complains about my overtime earnings

My management asks me to charge into the face of danger and stress
The same management ignores my PTSD or other stress illnesses

I am just a cop…”

Rescue Humor with RJ Beam

Patron Saint for Police Officers!

August 7, 2015

Considering the role of police officers today, it is only fitting that their patron saint would be Saint Michael the Archangel . . . the greatest and most prominent angel in religious lore.  The translation from Hebrew shows a meaning of: “who is like God” or “who is as God.”  St. Michael has been characterized as a warrior, a protector, a healer, and a guardian.  He holds numerous offices:

  • chief of the virtues and archangels
  • prince of the presence
  • prince of the seraphim
  • angel of repentance, righteousness, mercy, and salvation

Here’s the Prayer to St. Michael that I learned as a child:

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the malice and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls. Amen.

But were you aware that there is a longer version?  Here is a link to the original, longer version.

When God Made Police Officers!

February 5, 2010

This one was forwarded to me by a friend (the source is unknown); and, as my boss is fond of saying: “not too shabby!”

When the Lord was creating Police Officers, he was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and said, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.”

And the Lord said, “Have you read the spec on this order? A Police Officer has to be able to run five miles through alleys in the dark, scale walls, enter homes the health inspector wouldn’t touch, and not wrinkle his uniform.”

“He has to be able to sit in an undercover car all day on a stakeout, cover a homicide scene that night, canvass the neighborhood for witnesses, and testify in court the next day.”

“He has to be in top physical condition at all times, running on black coffee and half-eaten meals. And he has to have six pairs of hands.”

The angel shook her head slowly and said, “Six pairs of hands… no way.”

“It’s not the hands that are causing me problems, “said the Lord, “it’s the three pairs of eyes an Officer has to have.”

“That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. One pair that sees through a bulge in a pocket before he asks: “May I see what’s in there, sir?” (When he already knows.) Another pair here in the side of his head for his partner’s safety. And another pair of eyes here in front that can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say: “You’ll be all right ma’am.” (When he knows it isn’t so.)

“Lord,” said the angel, touching his sleeve, “rest and work on this tomorrow.”

“I can’t,” said the Lord, “I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound drunk into a patrol car without incident and feed a family of five on a civil service paycheck.”

The angel circled the model of the police officer very slowly, “Can it think?” she asked.

“You bet,” said the Lord. “It can tell you the elements of a hundred crimes; recite Miranda warnings in its sleep; detain, investigate, search, and arrest a gang member on the street in less time than it takes five learned judges to debate the legality of the stop… and still, it keeps its sense of humor.”

“This officer also has phenomenal personal control. He can deal with crime scenes painted in hell, coax a confession from a child abuser, comfort a murder victim’s family, and then read in the daily paper how law enforcement isn’t sensitive to the rights of criminal suspects.”

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the police officer. “There’s a leak, “she pronounced. “I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model.”

“That’s not a leak,” said the Lord, “it’s a tear.”

“What’s the tear for?” asked the angel.

“It’s for bottled-up emotions, for fallen comrades, for commitment to that funny piece of cloth called the American flag, and for justice.”

“You’re a genius,” said the angel.

The Lord looked somber. “I didn’t put it there,” he said.