Posts Tagged ‘Police’

Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up!

November 16, 2017

Happy Monday!  Let’s start the new work week with a real groaner . . . enjoy!

One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.

Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station.

When they got there the chief asked them their names.

“Shut Up”, replied Shut Up.
“Stupid”, replied Stupid.

The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad.

“Excuse Me!” shouted the chief.

Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names.

“Shut Up!”
“Stupid!”

The police chief was very riled. He then asked
“Are you looking for trouble?”!!!

Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,

“Why yes, how did you know?”

Source: https://unijokes.com/cop-jokes/13/

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The Rabbi and the Priest . . . !

October 23, 2017

Happy Monday!  How about a bit of humor as we begin the new work week?

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force.

Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.

After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt. This must be a sign from God!”

Pointing to the sky, he continues, “God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth.”

The priest replies, “I agree with you completely. This must surely be a sign from God!”

The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, “And look at this! Here’s another miracle! My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break. Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune.”

The priest nods in agreement. The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.

The priest, baffled, asks, “Aren’t you having any, Rabbi?”

The rabbi replies, “Nah… I think I’ll wait for the police.”

Source: https://unijokes.com/cop-jokes/7/

The Job Interview!

September 23, 2017

Happy Saturday!  As we begin the weekend, how about a little police humor, just for grins?

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer, who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket, went in to try out for the job.

“Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?”

“11” he replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.”
“What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?”
“Today and tomorrow.”

He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.  “Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?”

Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.”

“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?”

So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. “It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”

Source: https://unijokes.com/cop-jokes/5/

The “Bee” Team!

August 24, 2017

Talk about a non-traditional role . . .  were you aware of the fact that the New York City Police Department has a couple of on-staff beekeepers?  Back in 1994, one of the new recruits (Anthony Planakis) was an avid beekeeper (as a hobby . . . he was a fourth generation beekeeper).  He has been helping out with bee infestations and swarms in the New York City area for years.  Planakis recently retired (2014), but the beekeeper role has been filled, as of 2015, and two officers now work in this capacity as needed.    Very cool indeed!

They even have an official twitter account!

Read the full story here.

 

A Lesson on Materialism!

May 11, 2017

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen-wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver’s side door with him standing right there.

“NOOO!” he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.

Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling: “MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!”

“You are a lawyer aren’t you?” asked the policeman.

“Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?” the lawyer asked.

“HA! You lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn’t even notice that your left arm is missing did you?” the cop said.

The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed “MY ROLEX!”

Don’t Groan Too Loudly!

April 8, 2017

Happy Saturday!  Here’s a joke that I ran across the other day . . . it spans both my careers (law enforcement and librarianship) and even has a bit of a pun/play on words at the end.  Enjoy!

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.

He stopped the car and asked, “Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?”

“That it is,” Irish Mike replied grimly, “ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball.”

“You mean you pinched his honor?” asked Pat.

“How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?” demanded Mike.

“Well,” mused Pat, “there’s a lesson in this somewhere.”

“That there is,” replied Irish Mike….” ‘Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover.”

Some Mid-Week Humor!

January 25, 2017

Happy Wednesday! Now that we’ve reached the mid-point of the week, how about a bit of levity to get us through the rest of the week and into the weekend?

An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man noticed that the lights were on in the greenhouse in the back yard.  He hadn’t remembered turning the lights on and went to investigate.

As he approached the greenhouse, the old man heard voices and discovered that someone had broken into the greenhouse.  Scared, he returned to the house and called the police.

The dispatcher replied, that no officers were currently available, but that an officer would be sent as soon as one became available.

The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, “Don’t worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!”

In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed!

One of the cops asked the old man, “I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them.”

The old man replied, “I thought you said, there weren’t any officers available.”

It’s Not Always What You Think!

December 24, 2016

Sometimes you just never see the punchline coming . . .

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera when off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly.  Another flash.  He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed.  Same result.

“This guy must have screwed up the settings,” the off-duty officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

Source: http://www.yuksrus.com/police.html

Slow Down, or Stop?!

November 26, 2016

Happy Saturday.  This is what I’d call a “teachable moment.”  This joke has been around for a while, but it is a classic.  So for those of you who have never heard this one, enjoy; and for those of you who have, enjoy again!

A police officer pulled over a guy driving a red Corvette after it had run a stop sign.
Police Officer: “May I see your driver’s license and registration please?” asked the cop.
Driver: “What’s the problem, officer?”
Police Officer: “You just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection.”
Driver: “Oh, come on pal, there wasn’t a car within miles of me.”
Police Officer: “Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution.”
Driver: “You gotta be kidding me!”
Police Officer: “It’s no joke, sir.”
Driver: “Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles and proceeded with caution.”
Police Officer: “That’s beside the point, sir.  You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and you didn’t.  Now if I may see your license and . . . ”
Driver: “You’ve sure got a lot of time on your hands.  What’s the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?”
Police Officer: “Sir, I’ll overlook that last comment.  Let me see your license and registration immediately!”
Driver: “I will if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop.”
Police Officer: “Sir, I can do better than that.”
He opened the car door, dragged the obnoxious motorist out, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick.
Police Officer: “Now sir, would you like me to slow down or come to a complete stop?

Source: http://www.yuksrus.com/police.html

Now That’s Funny!

November 8, 2016

Every now and then, you just need to laugh . . . here are a few images to help you get through your day.  Enjoy!

Irony
Nothing To See Here
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Street?
Chalk Outline
Who’s On Drugs?