Posts Tagged ‘Aubrey Dillon-Malone’

My Humblest Apologies!

July 9, 2017

How hard is it to offer an apology when an honest mistake is made?  Not very hard at all, and yet so many people are challenged (or refuse) to do so.  I would have to say that it would be best for all concerned (in the long run) to just swallow your pride, apologize, get over it, and move on.  Life is too short to have to endure the ill-feelings that are sure to result from not having done so.  Here are a few of my favorite quotations regarding an apology.

Apology has been defined as . . .
“Egotism the wrong side out.” (Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.)

“The only thing that will allow you to get the last word in with a woman.”  (Danny Cummins)

“An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.”  (Steve Martin)

Source: The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone.

How Farcical!

May 10, 2017

Most people would define “farce” as an absurd event and may even go so far as to use words like  buffoonery or horseplay; events such as these would including crudeness and highly ludicrous or improbable situations.  Here are some of my favorite quotations on the topic of farce . . . (Source:  The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone)

“A genre that’s nearer to tragedy in its essence than comedy is.”  (Samuel Taylor Coleridge)

“Tragedy with the trousers down.”  (Brian Rix)

Additionally, I found some additional quotations that are equally amusing . . .

“Life is the farce which everyone has to perform.”  (Arthur Rimbaud)

“History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.”  (Karl Marx)

“The farce is finished. I go to seek a vast perhaps.”  (Francois Rabelais)

“Farce treats the improbably as probable and the impossible as possible.”  (George Pierce Baker)

“There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.”  (Mark Twain)

Beware of Censorship!

November 16, 2016

No one likes to be censored.  By definition, a censor is “an official who examines books, plays, news reports, motion pictures, radio and television programs, letters, cablegrams, etc., for the purpose of suppressing parts deemed objectionable on moral, political, military, or other grounds.” (Source http://www.dictionary.com)

So, I thought I would consult my copy of The Cynic’s Dictionary (by Aubrey Dillon-Malone) to see what definitions I could find . . .

Censor
“A man who knows more that he thinks you ought to.”  (Laurence Peter)

Censors
“People who are paid to have dirty minds.”  (John Trevelyan)

Censorship
“A more depraving and corrupting practice than anything pornography can produce.”  (Tony Smythe)

“A legal corollary of public modesty.”  (Jonathan Miller)

“An excuse to talk about sex.”  (Fran Lebowitz)

“A practice as indefensible as infanticide.”  (Rebecca West)

Source: The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone.

An Autobiography By Any Other Name!

November 9, 2016

An autobiography is actually a literary genre and is defined (by Google) as “an account of a person’s life written by that person.”   However, I found some rather interesting alternative definitions in my copy of The Cynic’s Dictionary.  Enjoy!

“An obituary in serial form with the last instalment missing.” (Quentin Crisp)

“Alibi-ography.”  (Clare Boothe Luce)

“A book that suggests the only thing wrong with the author is . . . his memory.”  (Franklin P. Jones)

“Books that ought to begin with Chapter Two.” (Ellery Sedgwick)

“Unrivaled vehicles for telling the truth — about others.”  (Philip Guedalla)

“What is now as common as adultery — and hardly less reprehensible.”  (John Grigg)

“The life story of a motor car.”  (Peter Eldin)

Source: The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone.

Do You Have Style?!

June 8, 2016

Style, often defined as either a manner of doing something, a distinctive appearance, or elegance or sophistication, is still a very individualistic thing and every person has their own.  This doesn’t stop others from trying to emulate certain popular styles or looks.   I found a few other definitions of style in my copy of The Cynic’s Dictionary:

“Knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.”  (Gore Vidal)

“When they’re running you out of town and you make it look as if you’re leading a parade.”  (William Battie)

“Self-plagiarism.”  (Alfred Hitchcock)

One of my favorite reference to “style” was in the movie Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix,” as Professor Dumbledore exits the room.

The Urban Lifestyle!

May 25, 2016

I can’t explain it, but despite having grown up on a farm (a vineyard with winery, actually) in rural northern lower Michigan, I have always been drawn to the city.  I’m apparently much more comfortable with the hustle and bustle that accompanies an urban environment.  So here are some definitions of the word “city” that I found in my copy of The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone.

“A place where you are least likely  to get a bite from a wild sheep.” (Brendan Behan)

“Not a concrete jungle, but a human zoo.”  (Desmond Morris)

“Millions of people being lonely together.”  (Henry Thoreau)

“The only desert still available to us.”  (Albert Camus)

Being Known!

December 7, 2015

Celebrity, defined as “fame and public attention in the media,” is an amazing thing.  The true conundrum involves working so hard to be successful to the point of reaching celebrity status (note: the nature of some jobs/occupations lend themselves to celebrity over others) only to be annoyed/harassed/stalked by the attention it garners (i.e., paparazzi). Woe are they!  Allow me a moment to provide some definitions of “celebrity,” courtesy of The Cynic’s Dictionary.

“A person who is known for his/her well-knownness.”  (Daniel Boorstin)

“A person who does nothing for a living, but looks great not doing it.”  (Julia Phillips)

A celebrity is one who is know by many people he is glad he doesn’t know.”  (H.L. Mencken)

“Any well-known TC or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.”  (Steve Martin)

“A person who works hard all his life to become known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.”  (Fred Allen)

“The advantage of being known by those who don’t know you.”  (Nicolas-Sebastien Chamfort)

A Different Kind of Comedy!

November 6, 2015

Happy Friday!  I’m a real fan of comedy.  I have always been of the opinion that life was too short to worry about taking too many things too seriously.  So, when I consulted my copy of The Cynic’s Dictionary I found the following definitions for “comedian,” “comedy,” and “comics.”  Enjoy!

Comedian
“The goof the relays the olden gag.”  (Herbert Prochnow)

Comedy
“Emotional hang-gliding.”  (Robin Williams)

“Society protecting itself with a smile.”  (J.B. Priestley)

“A funny way of being serious.”  (Peter Ustinov)

“The last refuge of the non-conformist mind.”  (Gilbert Seldes)

“Like sodomy, an unnatural act.”   (Marty Feldman)

Comics
“Famously tragic people.”  (Marlon Brando)

Source: The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone

Vulgarity!

October 2, 2015

While perusing my copy of The Cynic’s Dictionary I came across a few definitions for “vulgarity” that I deemed worthy of sharing.

“Simply the conduct of other people.”  (Oscar Wilde)

“The garlic in the salad of taste.”  (Cyril Connolly)

“The rich man’s modest contribution to democracy.”  (Samuel Johnson)

“Vulgarity is, in reality, nothing but a modern, chic, pert descendant of the goddess Dullness.”  (Dame Edith Sitwell)

Source: The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone

Old Age?

September 23, 2015

I would hazard to guess that any definition of “old age” would have to take into consideration the definer’s age. So. I decided to consult my copy of The Cynic’s Dictionary (by Aubrey Dillon-Malone) to see what whimsical definitions were contained therein.  Here’s are the definitions I found.

“A lot of crossed-off names in an address book.”  (Ronald Blythe)

“A very high price to pay for maturity.”  (Tom Stoppard)

“Always 15 years older than I what am.”  (Bernard Baruch) — I like this one a lot.

“Not so bad when you consider the alternative.”  (Maurice Chevalier)

“Life’s parody.”  (Simone de Beauvoir)

“When you try to straighten the wrinkles on your socks and discover you’re not wearing any.”  (Leonard Knott)

“The period in life in which we compensate for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigour to commit.”  (Ambrose Bierce)