Having a conscience, the ability to judge the rightness or the wrongness of your behavior, is something that develops over the course of time (as we mature). It is usually taught to us by our parents about the behaviors that must be demonstrated to effectively operate within society. Okay, that’s all well and good . . . but here are some additional “definitions” courtesy of The Cynic’s Dictionary. Enjoy!
“What your mother told you before you were six years old.” (Brock Chisolm)
“An anticipation of the opinions of others.” (Henry Taylor)
“Ought-to suggestion.” (H.L. Mencken)
“The thing that hurts when everything else feels good.” (Hebert Prochnow)
“What makes cowards of us all.” (William Shakespeare)
“What makes egotists of us all.” (Oscar Wilde)
“The inner voice that warns us that someone may be looking.” (H.L. Mencken)
“Something that doesn’t only make cowards of us all, but dyspeptics too.” (Helen Simpson)
“What makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.” (Franklin P. Jones)
Source: The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone, p. 59-60.
. . . is definitely the most important organ in the body. It controls and coordinates everything. But let’s take a look at some unconventional (and more humorous) definitions of the “brain,” shall we?
“Something that starts working the moment you’re born and doesn’t stop until you stand up to speak in public.” (George Jessel)
“An apparatus with which we think we think.” (Ambrose Bierce)
“An organ the starts working the moment you wake up, and doesn’t stop until you get to the office.” (Robert Frost)
“An appendage of the genital glands.” (Alexander King)
Source: The Cynics Dictionary, by Aubrey Dillon-Malone, p. 31-32.
I am certainly no expert when it comes to such things as advertising, but in today’s day and age with the amount of information available coupled with the speed with which it can be shared, the importance of good advertising cannot be over-emphasized. However, on a lighter note, here are some noteworthy quotations on the topic of advertising (courtesy of The Cynic’s Dictionary, by Aubrey Dillon-Malone). Enjoy!
Advertising is . . . .
“Legalized lying.” (H.G. Wells)
“The greatest art form of the 20th century.” (Marshall McLuhan)
“The most truthful part of a newspaper.” (Thomas Jefferson)
“The cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if they’re worthless.” (Sinclair Lewis)
“The rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.” (George Orwell)
“The most fun you can have with your clothes on.” (Jerry Della Femina)
The art of making whole lies out of half-truths.” (Edgar A. Shoaff)
Source: The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone, p. 7.
Journalists have certainly been taking a beating lately over their style and method of reporting (fake news, biased/slanted, sensationalism, etc.). So, I thought I would consult my copy of The Cynic’s Dictionary, by Aubrey Dillon-Malone, to see how others have classified this profession. Enjoy!
Journalism
“A profession whose business is to explain to others what it personally does not understand.” (Lord Northcliffe)
“Organized gossip.” (Edward Eggleston)
“Survival of the vulgarist.” (Oscar Wilde)
“A walk of life that consists of saying ‘Lord Jones is dead’ to people who didn’t know he was alive.” (G.K. Chesterton)
“The ability to meet the challenge of filling space.” (Rebecca West)
“The only thinkable alternative to working.” (Jeffrey Barnard)
“The last refuge of the literary mediocre.” (Brendan Behan)
Journalist “A man who lies in the sun all day, then goes home to his typewriter to lie some more.” (Frank Sinatra)
How hard is it to offer an apology when an honest mistake is made? Not very hard at all, and yet so many people are challenged (or refuse) to do so. I would have to say that it would be best for all concerned (in the long run) to just swallow your pride, apologize, get over it, and move on. Life is too short to have to endure the ill-feelings that are sure to result from not having done so. Here are a few of my favorite quotations regarding an apology.
Apology has been defined as . . .
“Egotism the wrong side out.” (Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.)
“The only thing that will allow you to get the last word in with a woman.” (Danny Cummins)
“An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.” (Steve Martin)
Source: The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone.
Most people would define “farce” as an absurd event and may even go so far as to use words like buffoonery or horseplay; events such as these would including crudeness and highly ludicrous or improbable situations. Here are some of my favorite quotations on the topic of farce . . . (Source: The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone)
“A genre that’s nearer to tragedy in its essence than comedy is.” (Samuel Taylor Coleridge)
“Tragedy with the trousers down.” (Brian Rix)
Additionally, I found some additional quotations that are equally amusing . . .
“Life is the farce which everyone has to perform.” (Arthur Rimbaud)
“History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.” (Karl Marx)
“The farce is finished. I go to seek a vast perhaps.” (Francois Rabelais)
“Farce treats the improbably as probable and the impossible as possible.” (George Pierce Baker)
“There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.” (Mark Twain)
No one likes to be censored. By definition, a censor is “anofficialwhoexaminesbooks,plays,newsreports,motionpictures, radioandtelevisionprograms,letters,cablegrams,etc.,forthe purposeofsuppressingpartsdeemedobjectionableonmoral,political, military,orothergrounds.” (Source http://www.dictionary.com)
So, I thought I would consult my copy of The Cynic’s Dictionary (by Aubrey Dillon-Malone) to see what definitions I could find . . .
Censor
“A man who knows more that he thinks you ought to.” (Laurence Peter)
Censors “People who are paid to have dirty minds.” (John Trevelyan)
Censorship
“A more depraving and corrupting practice than anything pornography can produce.” (Tony Smythe)
“A legal corollary of public modesty.” (Jonathan Miller)
“An excuse to talk about sex.” (Fran Lebowitz)
“A practice as indefensible as infanticide.” (Rebecca West)
Source: The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone.
An autobiography is actually a literary genre and is defined (by Google) as “an account of a person’s life written by that person.” However, I found some rather interesting alternative definitions in my copy of The Cynic’s Dictionary. Enjoy!
“An obituary in serial form with the last instalment missing.” (Quentin Crisp)
“Alibi-ography.” (Clare Boothe Luce)
“A book that suggests the only thing wrong with the author is . . . his memory.” (Franklin P. Jones)
“Books that ought to begin with Chapter Two.” (Ellery Sedgwick)
“Unrivaled vehicles for telling the truth — about others.” (Philip Guedalla)
“What is now as common as adultery — and hardly less reprehensible.” (John Grigg)
“The life story of a motor car.” (Peter Eldin)
Source: The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone.
Style, often defined as either a manner of doing something, a distinctive appearance, or elegance or sophistication, is still a very individualistic thing and every person has their own. This doesn’t stop others from trying to emulate certain popular styles or looks. I found a few other definitions of style in my copy of The Cynic’s Dictionary:
“Knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.” (Gore Vidal)
“When they’re running you out of town and you make it look as if you’re leading a parade.” (William Battie)
“Self-plagiarism.” (Alfred Hitchcock)
One of my favorite reference to “style” was in the movie “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix,” as Professor Dumbledore exits the room.
I can’t explain it, but despite having grown up on a farm (a vineyard with winery, actually) in rural northern lower Michigan, I have always been drawn to the city. I’m apparently much more comfortable with the hustle and bustle that accompanies an urban environment. So here are some definitions of the word “city” that I found in my copy of The Cynic’s Dictionary by Aubrey Dillon-Malone.
“A place where you are least likely to get a bite from a wild sheep.” (Brendan Behan)
“Not a concrete jungle, but a human zoo.” (Desmond Morris)
“Millions of people being lonely together.” (Henry Thoreau)
“The only desert still available to us.” (Albert Camus)
The Gun-Carryin' Librarian 