Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

More Spell Checker Fun!

November 19, 2018

Last month I introduced a wonderful poem that highlighted how spell checkers can get you into trouble.  This month, I carry on with some examples of sentences that spell check would not help to correct.  Enjoy!

Won of the plains past hear too avoid the reel heavy reign over the hi mountain pique.

Sum of the thyme clothes out sails can help pour pea pull may Ken’s meat.

Dew ewe no it awl weighs reins on the planes?

Did yew here? Eye eight awl four tee cook ease!

Their awl coming to sea if its four reel.

Two bee, oar knot two bee, that ease the quest shun.

Marry hat hey lid tell lam, ids fleas woes wide has know.

Wee took hi weigh eight tee to get two the big sail at wall mart.

Macon ends meat is maid awl the moor Dee man ding bye hi in flay shun.

To thymes too eek wells fore.

Ate thymes too eek wells sick Steen.

Tree thymes ten eek wells third tee.

Surely tried two reach four the tale of the run a weigh hoarse witch flu down the rode.

Our ewe stoop Ed? Your Macon know cents!

It wood bee best if ewe awl weighs used the spell checker on you’re pea sea, eve in though it some thymes pro deuces miss steaks.

Source:Internet Accuracy Project – This organization works to improve the accuracy of reference sources, and also provides advertising-free access to reference, educational and literary materials.

Execution!

October 30, 2018

Execution_large

Allow me to share some more “pearls of wisdom” (or perphaps more accurately, seeds of cynacism?) in the form of this demotivator (courtesy of www-dot-despair-dot-com).  In my many years in the workforce I have discovered a few different types of people: there are the idea people (great ideas, but no action), there are the planners (again, great at putting together a plan, but not so good at the implementation phase), and there are the worker bees (those that will actually get the work done).  I’m sure that there are probably more types out there, but these three fit the narrative displayed by this demotivator!

Source: http://www.despair.com

Beware the Spell Check!

October 20, 2018

Happy Saturday!  I ran across this wonderful example of spell checker gone wrong.  Enjoy!

Ode to the Spell Check
I have a spelling checker –
It came with my new pea sea.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it’s weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud.
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.

And now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.

Each frays come posed up on my screen,
Eye trussed to bee a joule.
The checker poured o’er every word,
To cheque sum spelling rule.

That’s why aye brake in two averse
By righting wants too pleas.
Sow now ewe sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear for pea seas.

Source: Internet AccuracyProject – This organization works to improve the accuracy of reference sources, and also provides advertising-free access to reference, educational and literary materials.

Dream Small!

September 29, 2018

DreamSmall_largeHere is a demotivator (courtesy of (www-dot-despair-dot-com) that helps minimize your dreams by maximizing your possibility of achieving them.  All in good fun.  Of course, bigger dreams, and higher risk also carry with them increased success . . . but there is certainly nothing wrong with starting small and working your way up to bigger things.

Just a thought.

Source: www.despair.com

Some Early Week Humor!

September 18, 2018

Okay, so the week is just getting started, but I have always been of the opinion that humor is good anytime.  So here are a few gems to get your week rolling!

Tom: “I’ve been dating a girl who carries a Taser everywhere she goes.”
George: “What is she like?”
Tom: “Stunning.”

Fred: “I hate blood tests.”
Tom: “Me, too.  My blood is under enough pressure as it is.”

M: “I have your next assignment 007.  I am sending you to a party.”
007: “What are my orders?”
M: “Mingle.  Meet people.  Make friends . . . Bond, James.  Bond.”

Source: AARP Bulletin, July/August 2018, p. 46.

Never Give Up!

August 30, 2018

NeverGiveUp_largeAh, the entertainment value of watching people fail, and then laughing at their expense!  We never seem to tire of this past time and the internet (combined with the fact that everyone has a camera and is ready to film just about anything at moments notice) provides the perfect breeding ground.  Many a video has gone viral to the delight of millions.  So, yes, “never give up,” and keep on, keeping on!

The Camping Trip!

August 21, 2018

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.

But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

Artistic Oxymoronica!

August 7, 2018

Artistic creativity is closely linked to dreaming.  Here are a few artistic oxymoronica that exemplify this sentiment.

“I do more painting when I’m not painting.”  (Andrew Wyeth)

“I shut my eyes in order to see.”  (Paul Gauguin)

“First I dream my painting, then I paint my dream.”  (Vincent van Gogh)

Source: oxymoronica by Dr. Mardy Grothe

Expectations!

July 31, 2018

Expectations_largeAs this demotivator (courtesy of www-dot-despair-dot-com) points out, it is probably best to temper one’s expectations at one’s workplace early in your career.  Okay,  I’ll admit that I am a bit jaded.  And while this is probably not completely universal (I’m hoping there are still some places/organizations that exist where accepting the very best is still a value), coming from the culture of accepting the lowest bid, to the reality of slashed budgets and “doing more with less” (and not always the best), we are fast becoming a culture of accepting what is “good enough” (or what is affordable) as opposed to what is “the best.”  Alas.  I will continue to remain hopeful by keeping my expectations high, but understanding that these expectations may not always be met.

Political Contradiction!

July 24, 2018

The political realm certainly is not immune to oxymoronic statements.  Here are some more amusing examples.  Enjoy!

“Anyone who deliberately tries to get himself elected to public office is permanently disqualified from holding one.”  (Sir Thomas More)

“Liberal institutions straightway cease from being liberal the moment they are soundly established.”  (Friedrich Nietzsche)

“The secret of rulership is to combine a belief in one’s infallibility with the power to learn from past mistakes.”  (George Orwell)

“He who would rule must hear and be deaf, see and be  blind.”  (German Proverb)

“The more that you observe politics, the more you’ve got to admit that each party is worse than the other.”  (Will Rogers)

“The best politics that could happen for our republic would be the abolition of politics.”  (Walt Whitman)

“If you want to rise up in politics in the United States there is one subject you must stay away from, and that is politics.”  (Gore Vidal)

Source: oxymoronica by Dr. Martha Grode